Looking for something else, I came across this approximately five year old Newsweek article regarding sex addiction, which I had seen oh so many months ago. The Sex Addiction Epidemic In re-reading through the article, I had an "aha" moment. Honestly, in the case of me and Blue Eyes, post discovery mid January 2014, I … Continue reading And while I’m on the topic…
sex addiction
“The most important thing is integrity”
If you don't want anyone to find out, don't do it. Sometimes I run across new and informative articles on sex addiction, hopefully as unbiased and with the least amount of judgment and hate as possible. The Fix is a great resource for articles written by and about real people dealing with addiction and recovery. I … Continue reading “The most important thing is integrity”
Just another love story. Part seventeen: the early years, with children
If you have been reading my blog, specifically these entries about our history, you know that I was living a certain reality, loving life, hating my in-laws, married with a new baby, struggling to make ends meet, but you also know the bigger picture, and the reality that my husband was living a very different version of … Continue reading Just another love story. Part seventeen: the early years, with children
Why now
This was the question I asked repeatedly of my husband and every therapist we encountered for the first year of recovery. Why, after all these years and all his destructive behavior, can he change now when he never was able to before. He says he wanted to. He says he hated himself. He says he hated … Continue reading Why now
Insight and healing
I really thought this husband's words regarding the affect his cheating has had on his family, was worth a reblog.
On being an addict
Below is an old blog post Blue Eyes wrote while he was working on his fourth step. I thought I had read everything on his blog, but somehow I missed this. Honestly, I think this post speaks so very clearly to his struggle with being an addict. It was extremely difficult for me to read because as he said the same things over and over, the same concepts, the same fears, I could literally feel his emotions rising up in my own chest. I could feel the tenseness and anxiety. I could feel the fear. In my opinion he has made great strides since he wrote this post. I can see the progress. As two flawed people, we continue to work this path together.
Incoherent Thoughts on Fear
My therapist thought it would be a good idea for me to journal about Fear and specifically as it relates to Women, my mother, the last acting out partner, and my soulmate. Of course I have been in fear about writing this and naturally put it off until I could not take it anymore…
Women in General – because of the relationship with my mom I definitely was uncomfortable and feared woman. I did not know how to have a normal relationship with a woman. I was always latching on, moving to quickly, sexually tilted craving relationships, I would scare woman away. I think I did this because I did not feel worthy and was trying to put a bandage on this huge wound of abandonment. I can remember rejecting girls and later women that had interest in me because I just was afraid and scared…
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The power of positive energy
I think it is a bit ironic that I am using this title, or even talking about the power of positive energy. I am a realistic person, with a touch of optimism thrown in. I am not all puppy dogs (although I do totally love puppy dogs), and unicorns and rainbows (background on blog title), … Continue reading The power of positive energy
Post 300
Watercolor Rainbow by Olga Shvartsur Can you believe it? This is my 300th post here on Try Not to Cry on My Rainbow. Crazy. I'll try and make it a good one. While Blue Eyes and I were away on our spa hotel excursion, I received a call from Ms. Honey, one of the CSATs … Continue reading Post 300
On loving kindness
I took a little break from technology, blogging, etc... while Blue Eyes and I set off on a trip to a local spa hotel in the wine country. It wasn't technically a Valentine's celebration (we all know how I feel about Valentine's Day), although it did coincidentally happen over Valentine's Day. It was a gift to me … Continue reading On loving kindness
Why did I do that?
I just talked with a therapist that Blue Eyes and I had seen early on. I'll call her Ms. Honey because she is so sweet. Strangely enough, Ms. Honey actually answered her phone. I have never had that happen before at any kind of doctor or therapist office. I always get voice mail. I was a bit taken … Continue reading Why did I do that?
try not to cry on my rainbow 