December 3, 2015 Later that evening... I knew I was going to do what I did, I just really really wished Blue Eyes had taken our discussion in the morning and done more with it. I wish it had mattered enough for him, that he had taken a good look at that step eight amends … Continue reading Amends, part two
Amends, part one
December 3, 2015 And just when you think he gets it... Blue Eyes is working his step nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (sa.org) Step eight was making the list (I always thought step eight was the making amends step), but step nine … Continue reading Amends, part one
I did it
I made it through that fucking colonoscopy like a champion. Ha, I am patting myself on the back, obviously, for something thousands of people do every single day without complaining. A routine procedure, if you will. The thing is though, I never realized before how toxic trauma can really be. I never realized simple fears could … Continue reading I did it
The land of the rising sun
I am finally over the jet lag from our latest trip to Japan. It took quite a few sleepy days and a couple mostly sleepless nights, but yes, we're home and we're sane again. When we left I was wearing sandals... not any more, it's definitely time to pull out the wellies and the mittens. Thanksgiving has … Continue reading The land of the rising sun
Some days
I let the hot water wash over me in the shower this morning, and as I watched the steam float slowly to the ceiling, I wrote these words in my head. The feelings were strong in me. The desire to flee, the desire to be free, the desire to be alone. As if they were … Continue reading Some days
Sunday mornings
Prior to d-day, Sunday mornings weren't really anything special. Like any other day, I got up when I felt like it, and Blue Eyes got up when he felt like it. When the kids were younger they had religious school on Sunday mornings, so one or both of us was up reasonably early to get … Continue reading Sunday mornings
And that’s a good thing
I was just over at woundedraven's blog The Affair Diary reading her post Thanks(but no thanks)giving... which reminded me that my Thanksgiving dilemma for this year has been solved. I have been dreading getting up the courage to tell everyone that I don't want to have Thanksgiving again this year. Last year I opted out and we went … Continue reading And that’s a good thing
Facebook, you torture me
This morning Facebook reminded me that six years ago today I posted the following entry on my personal blog, which I then linked to Facebook. This was a trigger, a huge trigger. I'll explain later. Wednesday, November 18, 2009 Why am I doing this? Why am I writing this blog? Because this past weekend I … Continue reading Facebook, you torture me
Just another love story. Part twelve: coming home
I was so sad to leave Blue Eyes in Japan that hot and humid July, 1987. I had no idea at that point whether we would stay together. The thing I knew was that I needed to remain true to myself and the promises I had made to me. I have always been a nurturer, … Continue reading Just another love story. Part twelve: coming home
Revisiting my story
The story in my head plays out. I am a happily married 50-year old woman with two amazing and mostly grown sons. My husband and I have been best friends and partners for 30 years. We share everything. We are passionate, loving, kind, and show each other mutual respect, until I realize, one of us … Continue reading Revisiting my story
