December 3, 2015 Later that evening... I knew I was going to do what I did, I just really really wished Blue Eyes had taken our discussion in the morning and done more with it. I wish it had mattered enough for him, that he had taken a good look at that step eight amends … Continue reading Amends, part two
adultery
Amends, part one
December 3, 2015 And just when you think he gets it... Blue Eyes is working his step nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (sa.org) Step eight was making the list (I always thought step eight was the making amends step), but step nine … Continue reading Amends, part one
Some days
I let the hot water wash over me in the shower this morning, and as I watched the steam float slowly to the ceiling, I wrote these words in my head. The feelings were strong in me. The desire to flee, the desire to be free, the desire to be alone. As if they were … Continue reading Some days
Revisiting my story
The story in my head plays out. I am a happily married 50-year old woman with two amazing and mostly grown sons. My husband and I have been best friends and partners for 30 years. We share everything. We are passionate, loving, kind, and show each other mutual respect, until I realize, one of us … Continue reading Revisiting my story
Why her?
As in, I was asked a question the other day by a friend. Why do I focus so much energy on the last acting out partner? Why is she the one who garnered so much interest, why was she the one I spewed vitriol over, why was she the most dangerous? Versus the others. Although … Continue reading Why her?
Like a dog with a bone
That's me. A dog. With a bone. Mean comments give me the opportunity to purge, and apparently I am not done venting yet. When someone denies my husband's sex addiction diagnosis, it doesn't make me question his addiction, it makes me question the motives of the denier, but it also causes me to think about just … Continue reading Like a dog with a bone
My challenge with blogging
We're still in Japan, having a wonderful time, but that doesn't mean I don't think about the betrayal. There are so many triggers everywhere. Those who read my blog know what I have been going through the past 22 months. First there was discovery, a harrowing phone call and all the revelations that followed regarding my … Continue reading My challenge with blogging
Just getting by
We're in Tokyo. Me, Blue Eyes, our two boys, and my parents, all here for the Princesse's first birthday. I'm pretty sure my brother (GQ) and his wife are thrilled we have all come here for this great occasion as they are paranoid about taking their little girl on a plane. They're not so much … Continue reading Just getting by
One year ago today
This past weekend we traveled to the coast to attend my sister's wedding. I blogged about her. She's the one whose first husband came home one day and told her he was cheating on her, that he was in fact leaving her, for a man. That was a few years ago. Her ex has been married … Continue reading One year ago today
I hate effing roller coasters
Sorry, I don't meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller coaster. I have been having some lovely conversations lately with a couple of betrayed spouse blogger friends. I really do cherish these relationships... I'm pretty sure they know that, because I tell them all the time. As we all struggle through, with very … Continue reading I hate effing roller coasters
try not to cry on my rainbow 