Journal Entry: November 25, 2014 I fear that if I don't intersperse some present day posts in here, I will never get caught up to current with this blog. Dday was January 11, 2014. My husband's jilted "mistress" called my mobile phone and I think assumed she would break up my marriage so she could … Continue reading Flirting with triggers, again
affair
Falling back in love with my husband
Journal Entry: July 7, 2014 After last night's mission, I now know that this other woman, my husband's last acting out partner, the alcoholic, hoarding whore (whore-der?), will never be able to sneak up on me (which was one of my fears). I will see this crazy looking woman coming from a mile away. There is … Continue reading Falling back in love with my husband
The Reconnaissance Mission
Journal Entry: July 6, 2014 I read somewhere that being a mistress felt like being a weed in someone else's rose garden, and that makes total sense to me! Since my husband has known the old alcoholic whore for what is now nine years, he is pretty aware of her schedule. He did not spend … Continue reading The Reconnaissance Mission
Bursting Bubbles
Journal Entry: July 5, 2014 During my phone conversation with The Director a couple weeks ago, before my husband’s 9-day, he asked me some questions about Blue Eyes’ habits. He asked me to categorize my husband’s acting out behaviors as I now see them. These would all be behaviors I knew nothing about until six … Continue reading Bursting Bubbles
A wife’s worst nightmare
Journal Entry: Monday, June 30, 2014 I was sitting on the toilet in a gorgeous tile bathroom at the Four Seasons Biltmore Santa Barbara. Blue Eyes was standing at one of the sinks, shaving. As I looked at him from my vulnerable spot, I realized he had probably shared these same strangely intimate moments with … Continue reading A wife’s worst nightmare
The celibacy fiasco
Journal Entry: June 29, 2014 This is it, the last day of my husband’s intensive therapy program. When Blue Eyes arrived at the peaceful spa pool at the resort where I was luxuriating in the 80+ degree weather, I knew immediately something was terribly wrong. He was supposed to have met me up at the … Continue reading The celibacy fiasco
Saying Good-bye
Journal Entry: June 20, 2014 I received a call yesterday from The Director of the Institute in Los Angeles that specializes in sex addiction treatment. I have met him once before, at my first trauma intensive appointment last month in Los Angeles. He's a pretty entertaining and charismatic guy, when he wants to be. He will … Continue reading Saying Good-bye
We told my parents today
Journal Entry: June 13, 2014 We were back in Los Angeles earlier this week for therapy. I received a phone call from my mother regarding my step father's birthday/father's day this coming weekend. I have been making so many excuses for why we have been out of town so much, and why we have been … Continue reading We told my parents today
Things I have learned after five months of trauma and a boatload of therapy
“No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won’t make you cry.” -Anonymous Journal Entry: June 11, 2014 D-Day was exactly five months ago today. I have been in one form of therapy or another for nearly the entire five months since then. I have been in intensive trauma … Continue reading Things I have learned after five months of trauma and a boatload of therapy
Consequences
Journal Entry: June 10, 2014 “Lately I've been thinking about who I want to love, and how I want to love, and why I want to love the way I want to love, and what I need to learn to love that way, and how I need to become to become the kind of love … Continue reading Consequences
try not to cry on my rainbow 