Journal Entry: June 10, 2014

“Lately I’ve been thinking about who I want to love, and how I want to love, and why I want to love the way I want to love, and what I need to learn to love that way, and how I need to become to become the kind of love I want to be. And when I break it all down, when I whittle it into a single breath, it essentially comes out like this: before I die, I want to be somebody’s favorite hiding place, the place they can put everything they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer, and be absolutely certain I will keep it safe. I will keep it safe.” -Andrea Gibson

I came across this beautiful quote the other day. I felt like I had this, that I was somebody’s favorite hiding place. I was his solitude and he was mine. However, now I know I was mistaken. In his time of greatest need, he chose someplace else to hide and he chose someone else to share his secrets. By giving himself over completely to his darker side, he physically and emotionally betrayed me. He is an ethical business man, a lawyer even, but the consequences he understands in business, apparently do not cross over to real human relationships. He understands consequential damages. It’s pretty difficult to deny the damage he has caused by his failure to meet the contractual obligation of our marriage vows. The truth is, he compromised my safety and there were people that knew things about my life that I didn’t know. There is no way to get back what has been lost and there is no way to build something new that is not tarnished by his past actions. The price to be paid for betrayal is not one of monetary contemplation. The cost of destroying a human spirit cannot be calculated. When you have the true and deep love of another human being in your possession, it should be held with nothing less than a precious and gentle respect, it is priceless.

The consequences of betrayal are real, and will last a lifetime.

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