The words I swore I never wanted to hear again. The words that pissed me off, and confused me, and made me think people just didn't get what I was going through. The words that made me want to scream. Now I'm saying them too. I hear those words coming out of my mouth, and … Continue reading I’m saying those words
betrayed wife
Some people will never get it
Some people, a lot of people actually, will never really get what it feels like to be betrayed by the person they love most. And truthfully, I am glad they never will have to feel that gut wrenching pain. It does not feel good, in any way. It is devastating. It changes us forever. So that … Continue reading Some people will never get it
I was doing so well
And this is the way it is going to be, for a very very long time. I was doing well. Accepting of my new and hopefully temporary role of being the caregiver to my husband. I had honestly, pre surgery, been doing well with our roles reversed for a change. I enjoyed kicking back and not … Continue reading I was doing so well
Nobody said it was easy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB-RcX5DS5A Living with an addict, is hard. Living with an unrecovered addict is a bitch and half. I have done that and I don't want to ever do it again. Blue Eyes is a recovering addict. He wants to be a better man. He wants to change what is broken. He wants to heal. He … Continue reading Nobody said it was easy
Amends, part two
December 3, 2015 Later that evening... I knew I was going to do what I did, I just really really wished Blue Eyes had taken our discussion in the morning and done more with it. I wish it had mattered enough for him, that he had taken a good look at that step eight amends … Continue reading Amends, part two
Amends, part one
December 3, 2015 And just when you think he gets it... Blue Eyes is working his step nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (sa.org) Step eight was making the list (I always thought step eight was the making amends step), but step nine … Continue reading Amends, part one
Sunday mornings
Prior to d-day, Sunday mornings weren't really anything special. Like any other day, I got up when I felt like it, and Blue Eyes got up when he felt like it. When the kids were younger they had religious school on Sunday mornings, so one or both of us was up reasonably early to get … Continue reading Sunday mornings
Revisiting my story
The story in my head plays out. I am a happily married 50-year old woman with two amazing and mostly grown sons. My husband and I have been best friends and partners for 30 years. We share everything. We are passionate, loving, kind, and show each other mutual respect, until I realize, one of us … Continue reading Revisiting my story
The phone call that changed everything
As I started typing this entry, I realized the title might insinuate I am going to talk about that dreaded phone call from the other woman. Well, I'm not going to talk about her or that phone call because I have already talked enough about it. I started this blog with it, and she doesn't … Continue reading The phone call that changed everything
Deciding to take my life back
Journal Entry: October 17, 2014 After my 45-minute phone call with Brian, the other half (the cheating half) of the winning team behind the http://beyondaffairs.com website and the Passionate Life Seminars (http://beyondaffairs.com/beyond_affairs_network_seminars/take-your-life-back-retreat/), Anne being his betrayed wife, I was excited, yet apprehensive. While talking with Brian, I realized the upcoming ‘Take Your Life Back’ 3-Day … Continue reading Deciding to take my life back
try not to cry on my rainbow 