Journal Entry: March 1, 2014. Last night and today have been rough. Before everything came out, before D-Day, he had made plans with an old high school friend and her husband. They were going to be in town and wanted to know if we wanted to go to a Jazz Concert with them. We planned … Continue reading I hate pretending
CPTSD
A downward spiral into my abyss
Journal Entry: Valentine's Day, 2014 I now hate Valentine's day. While we were in Hawaii, I was obsessing about the acting out partner and why anyone would want such a dysfunctional, vacuous relationship. I went on and on about how she never got to spend any real time with him, how could she possibly think … Continue reading A downward spiral into my abyss
OMG, are you effing kidding me…
Journal Entry: February 6 & 7, 2014 Last night, we departed our comfy hammock in the grass hand in hand beneath an amazing star filled sky. We walked back to our gorgeous room overlooking the ocean, and made love. My arms hurt like hell, but my heart soared. I actually got a few hours sleep and … Continue reading OMG, are you effing kidding me…
Finding peace in paradise
Journal Entry: Wednesday, February 5, 2014: 10:45pm The sun had set over the gorgeous coast of The Big Island of Hawaii more than four hours before, but the colors lingered in my mind. The rooms at the Four Seasons are so beautiful. From the outside, my life is beautiful. I have a loving husband, two … Continue reading Finding peace in paradise
triggers and glimmers
Journal Entry: February 2, 2014 We got on a plane together for the first time since I found out my husband has been cheating for 15 years and taking his mistress on business trips for the past 5 years. I asked him how he was able to take his mistress on ten trips over the past … Continue reading triggers and glimmers
Please make it stop
Journal Entry: Sunday, January 26, 2014 "You were the lightning, and I was the tree. Your words were the fire, burning the best parts of me." MMH We have a visitor. He is a friend of my husband who is also a client. He has been living in the U.S. for a few years now. … Continue reading Please make it stop
I would do it again
Journal Entry: Saturday, January 25, 2014 The days seem incredibly long and exhausting. I am still not sleeping well. Evenings turn into lengthy conversations full of disclosure details and heartache for me. He is still holding back, avoiding answering questions and answering the same questions differently each time. My biggest trigger is his continued lying. … Continue reading I would do it again
If Facebook were real life and STD’s were still someone else’s problem
Journal Entry: Friday, January 17, 2014 Part of the “fun” of this whole sex addiction “thing,” is that the addict makes really, really, really stupid mistakes. For example, when his older acting out partner tells him he does not need to wear a condom because she already went through menopause (he was 41 at the … Continue reading If Facebook were real life and STD’s were still someone else’s problem
She keeps calling and I am devolving
Journal Entry: Thursday, January 16, 2014 He sleeps, and sleeps. He is sick. I cannot sleep. I am at my desk at 5:30am. This is definitely not me. I cannot get out of my own head. Meeting with my friend and the benign phone call with my Father seem like years ago. My husband came … Continue reading She keeps calling and I am devolving
Who is my best friend
Journal Entry: Wednesday, January 15, 2014 I used to think my husband was my best friend. I gave everything to our friendship. I bore my heart and soul and shared every part of my mind and body with him. For thirty years I looked at his face and felt love and contentment. When he wrapped … Continue reading Who is my best friend
try not to cry on my rainbow 