Journal Entry: July 3, 2014 Email today to my friend, D: Well, June is over. Do you feel more relaxed yet? Blue Eyes and I are home and enjoying a quiet holiday week. He is struggling more, me a little less. We are moving forward, because sitting still is depressing. Blue Eyes is in a … Continue reading Hasta la vista, baby!
PTSD
A wife’s worst nightmare
Journal Entry: Monday, June 30, 2014 I was sitting on the toilet in a gorgeous tile bathroom at the Four Seasons Biltmore Santa Barbara. Blue Eyes was standing at one of the sinks, shaving. As I looked at him from my vulnerable spot, I realized he had probably shared these same strangely intimate moments with … Continue reading A wife’s worst nightmare
The celibacy fiasco
Journal Entry: June 29, 2014 This is it, the last day of my husband’s intensive therapy program. When Blue Eyes arrived at the peaceful spa pool at the resort where I was luxuriating in the 80+ degree weather, I knew immediately something was terribly wrong. He was supposed to have met me up at the … Continue reading The celibacy fiasco
Thoughts for the day
Journal Entry: June 26, 2014 I have been away from my husband for seven days now. He finally got his act together and started calling and/or texting at the agreed upon times, which has helped my anxiety. Sometimes I sleep through his morning texts and sometimes I am in my own therapy session during his … Continue reading Thoughts for the day
Cleaning the closet with PTSD
Journal Entry: June 21, 2014 Last night I could not get to sleep without my husband. Since it was a travel day and not officially a workshop day, he was available to talk with me, and call me, and text me as much as he wanted. And he did. Mostly, I was busy with D … Continue reading Cleaning the closet with PTSD
Saying Good-bye
Journal Entry: June 20, 2014 I received a call yesterday from The Director of the Institute in Los Angeles that specializes in sex addiction treatment. I have met him once before, at my first trauma intensive appointment last month in Los Angeles. He's a pretty entertaining and charismatic guy, when he wants to be. He will … Continue reading Saying Good-bye
We told my parents today
Journal Entry: June 13, 2014 We were back in Los Angeles earlier this week for therapy. I received a phone call from my mother regarding my step father's birthday/father's day this coming weekend. I have been making so many excuses for why we have been out of town so much, and why we have been … Continue reading We told my parents today
Things I have learned after five months of trauma and a boatload of therapy
“No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won’t make you cry.” -Anonymous Journal Entry: June 11, 2014 D-Day was exactly five months ago today. I have been in one form of therapy or another for nearly the entire five months since then. I have been in intensive trauma … Continue reading Things I have learned after five months of trauma and a boatload of therapy
Consequences
Journal Entry: June 10, 2014 “Lately I've been thinking about who I want to love, and how I want to love, and why I want to love the way I want to love, and what I need to learn to love that way, and how I need to become to become the kind of love … Continue reading Consequences
She haunts these places
Journal Entry: June 6, 2014 We have an agreement, my husband and I. If he needs to go on a business trip, especially if it is overnight, I will go with him, at least for the foreseeable future. He is still early in his recovery, and is completely susceptible to his acting out patterns and … Continue reading She haunts these places
try not to cry on my rainbow 