This is really a post to my husband. A post out of utter frustration to my 8 1/2 years sober sex addict husband. I would talk to him face to face, but he’s too busy working, at 11:30pm. At diagnosis Blue Eyes acknowledged who and what he was and started on his recovery journey… a … Continue reading Do you wonder why I run away
surviving infidelity
Down to your heart
My dahlias are still going strong and bringing me lots of joy! I received the quote below in an inspirational email from the best trauma therapist in the world... at least she is that to me! These words spoke to me. The old me, before discovery, would have wanted to solve all my problems with … Continue reading Down to your heart
Purging
Since Blue Eyes reconnected with his parents in December, I have not had any contact with them other than the one dinner in Los Angeles. This is a good thing for me. Blue Eyes tells me they are quite often these days sending him messages asking about Portland. They express disgust with what is theoretically … Continue reading Purging
Thoughts for today
I knew it wasn't perfect Not me, not you. Our faults were written all over our faces, and on every wall and in all the spaces. Me, always too much. Always the first and last to speak and share. The one with all the words, the one who never shuts down and always cares. You, … Continue reading Thoughts for today
Rationalization 201
Possibly been sticking my head where it doesn't belong again, and getting my panties in a wad. For those of us who have been in long term marriages, or intimate partnerships, we know it's not all sweetness and light. It's not all romance and sexy time. In fact, it's mostly not about that at all. … Continue reading Rationalization 201
It’s tomorrow
Yeah, per how I left yesterday's post, it's tomorrow and I'm dealing with it and I realized how off I am. Discovery day was January 11, 2014. Somehow I thought yesterday was the 11th? Well here in the United States of America TODAY is January 11th. I really only had one D-day. There was a … Continue reading It’s tomorrow
The letter
Two years ago I asked Blue Eyes to write a letter to the other woman as part of his ninth step. For reasons that have been discussed many times on my blog the letter was not and will never be sent to the other woman. I do believe this letter catapulted my healing in a … Continue reading The letter
Did I forget to say how great my husband is?
It seems to me that ever since I wrote the post about Control and the photo of the other woman, I have felt a weird vibe here on the old blog. First let me get this off my chest. My husband has his own path. He is a recovering sex addict. His recovery includes counseling, … Continue reading Did I forget to say how great my husband is?
A Woman Under the Influence
My younger son, The Peacemaker, is really into classic films. He is a budding filmmaker himself. He has subscribed to a website by which he can access old movies that aren't readily available on other sources. We've watched numerous films from all over the world and of varying genres and spanning decades. We recently watched … Continue reading A Woman Under the Influence
Control
For Blue Eyes, part of his addiction is clearly about control. As a child, he was under the strict and harsh command of his narcissistic and abusive mother. She belittled him and chided him and rode his ass day and night. He could never do anything right. Failure was right around the corner for him … Continue reading Control
try not to cry on my rainbow 