I just talked with a therapist that Blue Eyes and I had seen early on. I’ll call her Ms. Honey because she is so sweet. Strangely enough, Ms. Honey actually answered her phone. I have never had that happen before at any kind of doctor or therapist office. I always get voice mail. I was a bit taken aback. Ms. Honey is actually the one who referred me to the then new ‘wives of sex addict support group’ I attended, twice, nearly two years ago. Blue Eyes and I saw Ms. Honey a couple times in February 2014, about a month after discovery and diagnosis, and then proceeded to seek out individual counseling, with the goal of coming back to couple’s counseling with Ms. Honey later. When we did seek out couple’s counseling the following year, we ended up going to Ms. Second Chance, the therapist Ms. Honey had referred us to, and the therapist who also coordinated the wives support group, and also the therapist we have since “fired” three separate times. Once from my individual counseling, once from the wives group, and then a third time as our couple’s counselor. We didn’t outgrow her, we didn’t feel healed, she just didn’t work. Pretty sure three strikes and she is out for good.
It has been suggested that maybe, these days, I need a therapist to talk things through with every once in a while. I mean, it’s nice to have friends and family, but after two years, it becomes tiring to even the most patient of people when we are still talking about “the sex addict” and “the betrayal.” Ms. Honey is quite gentle in her ways, very likable, trained in numerous healing methods, is a CSAT, and is married to a sex addict. And, I can walk to her office… bonus! The reason we did not return to her for couple’s counseling is because The Shrink had recommended Ms. Second Chance. Well, this time I decided I would make my own decision and I would choose someone who I know understands my situation, and someone who is also incredibly kind and gentle. I need kind, gentle and understanding, these days.
Ms. Honey explained to me that the CSATs in our area are overwhelmed, having received over the past few months, a barrage of newly diagnosed sex addicts and wives in desperate need of support. She has two support groups, both of which are overflowing, with wait lists. Her next individual counseling appointment is six weeks out, but she was happy to put me on a waiting list for cancellations for individual counseling as well. I feel like seeking out therapy shouldn’t be this difficult. Thankfully I am not desperate, this time. I scheduled an appointment with her for a little less than six weeks out from now. She then told me that she had talked earlier this week with a colleague who has a couple wives of sex addicts support groups and she is about to start up a third one. After hanging up with Ms. Honey, I called the other therapist and she ALSO answered her phone. So strange. She informed me that she had just filled her new group. It took her less than two working days to fill it. She asked if I wanted to be put on a wait list. I told her “sure.” How strange that both women answered their phones to give me what would turn out to be, bad news.
There is a part of me that doesn’t want to attend therapy or a support group. Then there is the other part of me that thinks maybe I can get something out of both and I shouldn’t be so stubborn and negative. I can always stop if I am not “feeling it.” Then there is the question of what will I talk about in individual counseling? Honestly, talking about how my SA husband behaves isn’t really going to get me anywhere. I can talk about how I behave in light of how my husband behaves, but really, I don’t think that will get me anywhere either. I certainly don’t need to talk about MY childhood AGAIN. I understand me. Am I going to pay money just so someone can listen to me and I don’t have to feel like I am putting them out, because I am paying them? Maybe I should talk about how much I would like my son to move out and get his own apartment. Maybe she can guide me on ways of encouraging The Peacemaker to want to move out… but that really feels like family or marriage counseling, and I am going as an individual. Hmmm. I can understand how a wives of sex addict support group could help me if the women are like me, wanting to stay with their husbands and really just needing a place to vent and be heard and be understood. Last time none of the wives were still living with their husbands, for numerous reasons, except me. What if it is like that, again? It was traumatizing, but I was only a couple months post d-day. Perhaps a space will not even open up in the support group anyway, and I am blabbering on for no reason.
Well, maybe I am lucky that I have to wait six weeks for individual counseling. That will give me plenty of time to come up with things to talk about… I mean not just things to talk about, I could never run out of things to talk about. I could talk all day and night and never stop. I am talking about things that would require the help of a licensed counselor. Why did I call the therapist again?
So, for anyone still reading this, any words of advice?