Journal Entry: Monday, June 30, 2014 I was sitting on the toilet in a gorgeous tile bathroom at the Four Seasons Biltmore Santa Barbara. Blue Eyes was standing at one of the sinks, shaving. As I looked at him from my vulnerable spot, I realized he had probably shared these same strangely intimate moments with … Continue reading A wife’s worst nightmare
mistress
The celibacy fiasco
Journal Entry: June 29, 2014 This is it, the last day of my husband’s intensive therapy program. When Blue Eyes arrived at the peaceful spa pool at the resort where I was luxuriating in the 80+ degree weather, I knew immediately something was terribly wrong. He was supposed to have met me up at the … Continue reading The celibacy fiasco
Saying Good-bye
Journal Entry: June 20, 2014 I received a call yesterday from The Director of the Institute in Los Angeles that specializes in sex addiction treatment. I have met him once before, at my first trauma intensive appointment last month in Los Angeles. He's a pretty entertaining and charismatic guy, when he wants to be. He will … Continue reading Saying Good-bye
We told my parents today
Journal Entry: June 13, 2014 We were back in Los Angeles earlier this week for therapy. I received a phone call from my mother regarding my step father's birthday/father's day this coming weekend. I have been making so many excuses for why we have been out of town so much, and why we have been … Continue reading We told my parents today
She haunts these places
Journal Entry: June 6, 2014 We have an agreement, my husband and I. If he needs to go on a business trip, especially if it is overnight, I will go with him, at least for the foreseeable future. He is still early in his recovery, and is completely susceptible to his acting out patterns and … Continue reading She haunts these places
Put it all in a box and hide it away
Journal Entry: May 22, 2014 I’m having a shitty evening. On our way to dinner, my mobile phone was ringing in my purse. I dug it out and there she was, the whore, calling me again. Honestly, I know this woman was needy and empty and my husband pursued sex with her and if it … Continue reading Put it all in a box and hide it away
I did not leave tonight
Journal Entry: May 10, 2014 "It's not the load that breaks you, it's the way you carry it." -Lena Horne Days have gone by since I have written in my journal. This is not a good sign. I knew this day would arrive eventually. I’m pretty sure it will go down as the second most destructive … Continue reading I did not leave tonight
The darkness
Journal Entry: April 27, 2014 “I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind” -Edgar Allen Poe Every day I try and trudge through the monotony of my new existence. Every day I feel the same feelings of despair and loneliness. I am making some progress. Many times I am able … Continue reading The darkness
Today I want to gut the bitch
Journal Entry: April 23, 2014 Warning: this is a venting post. I do not normally just vent with all the words and hate that go along with that, but today, today I need this. This is going to be a full on rant. I have to get it OUT!!! I feel better already. As my … Continue reading Today I want to gut the bitch
I am alone.
Journal Entry: April 21, 2014 What to do with myself? I never thought much about it four months ago. My husband traveled a lot over the past 20 years. I was alone a lot. For years I had the boys. They were the best company. I love them with everything that I am and have … Continue reading I am alone.
try not to cry on my rainbow 