Well, here goes. We had a doozy of a day on Thursday. Numerous commenters to this blog have called me a saint. I chuckle at the moniker, I am not a religious person and know no other connotation for the word. They are specifically speaking to my role as wife of the now infamous Blue Eyes. … Continue reading The sinner and the saint
sex addiction
The third year, part 2
I have this incredible ability these days to leave the shit mostly behind when I am not with Blue Eyes. I walked out the door Tuesday morning, and off to a fun day with a friend. We drove to the coast and visited the beach house property and had a delightful Whole30 compliant lunch within view of … Continue reading The third year, part 2
Here we go again
Anger is often called a secondary emotion because we tend to resort to anger in order to protect ourselves from or cover up other vulnerable feelings. A primary feeling is what is felt immediately before we feel anger. We almost always feel something else first before we get angry. We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, … Continue reading Here we go again
A tumble, then a fall
After my last post, things went a bit bad to worse. It is difficult to explain these days how moody we can both be, for differing reasons, under the circumstances. I read a blog post a couple days ago that caused me to go to a place of great pain. I honestly thought I was past … Continue reading A tumble, then a fall
Mercy
I feel vindicated. Just a little bit. Anyone who reads this blog knows sometimes I get something stuck, in my craw so to speak. I have already admitted I have a bit of obsessive compulsive disorder. People who know me, know this. Spending all this time exercising to iTunes music these days, I am really … Continue reading Mercy
Looking back, part two
While glancing back through 2015 posts, something else popped out at me and that was the fact that early on I still obsessed about the sex my husband had with the other woman. And even after I fully metabolized how unimportant those sex acts were in the scheme of things, I still focused on being able … Continue reading Looking back, part two
Nobody said it was easy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB-RcX5DS5A Living with an addict, is hard. Living with an unrecovered addict is a bitch and half. I have done that and I don't want to ever do it again. Blue Eyes is a recovering addict. He wants to be a better man. He wants to change what is broken. He wants to heal. He … Continue reading Nobody said it was easy
On letting go, part one
I am taking a break from my travel blogging to get something off my chest. I am hoping that writing this out will help me release some of the feelings that threaten to hold me back, push me down, engulf me.... feelings that haunt me and make me question the validity of my choices. Everywhere I … Continue reading On letting go, part one
26 years
As of about 8:00pm tonight (U.S.-West Coast time), we will have accomplished 26 years of marriage. We were together for nearly five years prior to getting married, so that is a long time to put your faith and trust into one person. You would think the longer a couple is together, the easier marriage would … Continue reading 26 years
Why didn’t I think of me
I have been writing a lot about Blue Eyes and his fourth step (that searching and fearless moral inventory, the one that Blue Eyes completed a few weeks ago and which is pages and pages and pages long) and fifth step (admitted to God, to themselves, and to another human being the exact nature of … Continue reading Why didn’t I think of me
try not to cry on my rainbow 