Psychologically speaking…


My younger son has suggested I go back to school and get a degree in psychology. He thinks, perhaps, that I like to talk about this situation of being married to a sex addict, a secret keeper and a liar if you will, betrayer of our marriage, a little too much? I don’t know. I don’t talk with him about it unless he brings it up. He stood by and watched the trauma for far too long. Or maybe he wants me out of MY house? He has a love/hate relationship with sharing his feelings and he does like to use me and his father as guinea pigs for his own ideas. I suggested he get a degree in psychology, but that exasperated him as I’m pretty sure he thought I was avoiding his point entirely.

I mainly “talk” about this unique/apparently not so unique (but often hidden) concept of being married to a sex addict here on the blog, but I do think about it a lot. I am not excited about going back to school at 54 years old, but I have pondered the idea quite a bit, especially after the boys graduated high school. We live very near a college with a well respected masters of psychology program and I have actually, over the years, thought about applying. I do not need another career at this juncture. I have worked, hard, since I was 14 years old. I have had a fulfilling job as COO of our company for about 14 years now, lifting our company out of the depths of the recession and helping good ole Blue Eyes make the most of who he is, and in the arena of business, he’s pretty amazing. I do, however, on many days feel like I missed my calling. I truly believe I was born to be a teacher or a therapist.

One thing I do think is true, is that therapists who have experienced the same kind of trauma that their patients are suffering from, generally speaking, make more compassionate counselors. I do not, however, think that I am ready to counsel others on surviving this ordeal. Here on the blog I am right there with everyone else. I am making my way through. I have zero education on how to professionally manage a traumatized spouse or an addict or anyone else. I do understand betrayal induced PTSD, and I do believe I understand addiction. I grew up with a sister diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at 30 years old. Her coping method was also addiction. Until her eventual diagnosis, we all muddled through what turned out to be a whole lot of dysfunction. They say her first trauma event was when she was less than a year old. Many trauma events followed. Who knew? Not my parents, that’s for sure. Not me. I did the best I could at taking care of her for many years as we traveled back and forth between our parents’ houses. She was only diagnosed after she attempted suicide.

I have learned a great deal over the past nearly four years about betrayal trauma, but I am by no means an expert on anything. I would like to learn more about how all the experiences in our life set us up for a trauma event, or a betrayal trauma event later, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not to mention the brain function of it all. Are some predisposed to addiction or mental illness? Science lately would have us believe we are pre-wired. One of my mantras since I was in my 20’s is that along with everything else required in schooling our young, typing and therapy should be required subjects. Both for very practical reasons. I think we assume that we as humans are created with some supernatural ability to deal with all the shit that goes on in our lives without any kind of guidance. Like parenting. Wow. Our bodies are mature enough to have children when we are still children ourselves. There is no set manual or guide. Each human is an individual and deserves to be treated as such. There is a lot of shitty parenting going on out there. I’m sure if you asked my younger son right now, he would throw me in that pot. We all do the best we can, but when messed up people are raising human beings, things can get quite ugly.

I have always, at least as long as I can remember, been interested in the psychology of birth order. I do think it plays in along with many other factors in terms of how we interact with others as we grow. So I guess what I am getting at here is that I do have a pretty compelling interest in psychology. Maybe I should go back to school for that masters degree? What do you think?

18 thoughts on “Psychologically speaking…

  1. You are right, people who have experienced hurts and trauma seem to be the best ones to understand and listen to others who are hurting in the like way. You are a strong women, writing is so healing. I know that as you continue to walk through your healing, you will encourage many people along the way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. After she gave up the idea of being Dana Scully in X Files, all my daughter ever wanted to be was a Psychologist. She studied hard and after gaining a primary degree, masters and then doctorate, she is now a fully fledged Doctor of Clinical Psychology. She is excellent at her job and well respected by peers. BUT even she, as educated as she is, struggles with her own psychology. It is usually me who ends up being the one giving her the sound advice!

    That said, it is a fascinating subject. If you want to pursue it, go for it. X

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad she pursued her dream. She is certainly well educated! As I sit at our beach house staring out at the waves, sketching an outline for a painting I intend to create, I’m still contemplating it. For now, I’m trying to clear my head a little before I attempt to stuff more in there. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I went to law school at age 52! I had a career in special education, a master’s degree and several certifications, and decided I wanted to practice special education law. Going to law school had been a life long dream and I decided to do it. I read something once that at the end of life, people tended to regret the things they wanted to do and never did more than anything they had done that didn’t work out. So I graduated from law school, passed the bar and started a second career which I love. (My career has been a constant source of refuge and has lifted me up throughout this whole married to a sex addict ordeal.) I have a position in which I can make some real changes in special education in my state. My first career has been invaluable in the work I do now. Tomorrow night, I will be attending a reception for a former state supreme court justice who has been an advocate for special needs kids, and I will be surrounded by positive, inspiring women. I love working with the younger attorneys where I work (Millennials, yikes!), mentoring them and learning from them as well.

    I encourage anyone who has the urge to do something like this to explore it. I like being a student, and consider myself a lifelong learner. And I was not the oldest in my law school class. There were 3 others older than I.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Maggie, I never stopped going to school until my 40s. I was a sahm. We moved every two years for my husband’s job so I found it difficult to join any clubs. Instead I found colleges and had a great time. I studied psychology, sociology, history, art and statistics. I found that I retained so much more than I did at 18. I loved college.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. We all have to figure out what’s “right” for our own paths. Me? I decided to go back to school! I have a Master’s, but I want to learn TESOL and help teach English to non-native speakers.

    It will take a bit of working this out – getting my out-of-state teaching credentials transferred to my current state (many tests and other criteria to complete as well), and then I can enroll in a “shortened” program for TESOL and not have to get another Master’s degree.

    I haven’t been inspired to do anything with my life in quite a while (all the trauma), so this feels good! (For me.)

    No matter what you decide to do when you grow up (hahaha – just kidding!), you’ll be fabulous!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for the vote of confidence… do we ever really grow up? I remember having a conversation with my mom where I was talking about my kids and how they acted like they were the only ones who had ever been 18 and graduated high school and were anxious about the future. I was like, hey, I totally remember those days, like yesterday. And my mom looked at me and said… even I can remember those days!!! In our minds, we are always young. I also very much remember the days where I didn’t even want to get out of bed, much less eat, or go out of the house. I am so happy for you and that you are inspired!!! xo

      Liked by 2 people

      • I still think I am 25 in my head. My body aches tell a different story. haha

        And cheers (with my morning coffee) to whatever we do with our lives. Build sand castles? Law school? Volunteer at a Botanical Garden? Education? Become a world-renowned psychologist who helps educate other mental health providers about partner trauma? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Birdy says I should be a psychologist lol. I too think I’d be a good one, but I am soooooo not interested in going back to school. Been there and done that. I know you would be great at it, but ugh, all that time, all that studying, when u could be living life?! It would have to be a huge passion I think.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You would be an amazing listener and a positive force for sure. And yeah, I hear you on the going back to school part. That is the reason I have not done it, LOL! I am thinking I might be able to handle one class at a time though. Then again, I also love to sketch and paint and those classes don’t require reading or writing papers and the like. I also want to write a book because I do love to write, and then there is the travel!!! I guess I am just pretty happy that there are lots of things I still want to do and lots of things that make me happy! xoxo

      Liked by 3 people

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