Looking back on 2019, I had a pretty great ride. There were ups and downs throughout, but by the end of the year, everything seemed to make sense. Not all was fair, no, not fair, but I had metabolized the crazy (meth addict breaking into our house) and the insane (the arbitration verdict) and the … Continue reading A new level of exhaustion
self care
What I’m seeking
When I was in the trauma therapist's office last month, she asked me to think of something that brought me peace. Something I could focus on to calm my breathing and use during somatic healing. Sitting there in the middle of Los Angeles on a sunny 70 degree December afternoon, all I could think about … Continue reading What I’m seeking
What do I want
I'm still counting down the days to trauma therapy... four more. One of the things the trauma therapist asked for was a document explaining what I hoped for our time together. What I want to accomplish. Here's what I sent her. I honestly didn't know what to say. It was difficult to write out how … Continue reading What do I want
A night out with the in-laws
Father-in-law chose the place and time. Dinner at an Italian Restaurant in Los Angeles at 7:00pm. We decided to take an Uber to avoid driving in LA rush hour traffic. We arrived about 15 minutes early. The restaurant was, shall I say, a throw back to a different era. We recently watched the excruciatingly long … Continue reading A night out with the in-laws
They’re talking about me
My sister was talking about me. This would be the sister who shared the same divorced parents, the same childhood experiences, the same trauma. Despite her mental illness, or maybe because of it, she is sharp as a tack. She's insightful, and intuitive, and I know she looks up to me. I'm her big sister, … Continue reading They’re talking about me
Stay
Hwy. 101, photo credit Clay Banks I'm not really a country music fan, but I do have quite a bit of it in my iTunes library as I purchase it and load it on my sister's old school iPod. We bought the iPod for her as a Christmas gift a few years ago. She doesn't … Continue reading Stay
Adulting is hard
Columbia River Gorge I've been a little down lately. Not sure if it is the change of seasons, change of clocks, change of scenery, or what. Pretty sure it's not change of seasons as Autumn is my favorite and our weather here in the Pacific Northwest has been glorious. Probably not change of clocks. I'm … Continue reading Adulting is hard
B.P.D.
I wrote a post a couple years ago about suicide and also bits about my sister's mental illness. It will never be about us I describe a situation where she had harmed herself and was put in a suicidal lock-down ward of a local hospital. I took to her a gift of a little Beanie … Continue reading B.P.D.
Pretty things
Started Friday evening. Completed Sunday afternoon. I was away from home for six weeks, and away from Blue Eyes for 4 1/2 weeks. I've returned home and have been here now for exactly 44 hours. Blue Eyes couldn't wait for me to get home, he missed me so much, that's what he said. Today he … Continue reading Pretty things
Moving on
Street Art at Wynwood Walls, Miami Disclaimer: I wrote this post as the third in the trilogy of 'I woke up to nothing' posts. I'm over those feelings now, but March included a couple of really difficult weeks. The sadness even spilled over into our business trip to Paris, but again, I'm doing better. I'm … Continue reading Moving on
try not to cry on my rainbow 