He's there, right now, sitting at the edge of his own sanity. He's unable to hide it, or even deny it. It's not coming from nowhere. It's muscle memory. It's those feelings of having been here before. Not in this exact place, but something, somewhere similar. A bustling city, a lonely hotel room, life crashing … Continue reading Precipice
sex addict
Integrity
So, it's been written over and over that sex addiction isn't really about sex, just like alcoholism isn't really about the brand of alcohol a person likes to drink. Addiction is about medicating wounds, trauma, mental illness, about filling the void and feeling better in the moment, even if that moment is ever so brief. … Continue reading Integrity
Two stepping
In a comment Blue Eyes made on the My identity post a few days ago, he wrote "I am not a two stepper." I had no idea what a "two stepper" was in relation to addiction. So I asked him what it meant to him, then I looked it up (to see what it meant to others). … Continue reading Two stepping
Sex Addict
Whenever I read, in a story, an article or a blog entry or wherever, that a person has self-diagnosed as a sex addict after being caught cheating, because theoretically it's a good excuse for bad behavior, I sigh. Whenever I hear someone call someone else a sex addict because the target of hate and disdain … Continue reading Sex Addict
I knew it wasn’t perfect
It was Sunday morning of this past holiday weekend and I was triggered by something, I don't quite remember. It wasn't so much debilitating as it was distracting. Those feelings of not knowing, of my instincts being totally off, for years. Of him telling me about Ashley, the first, how she had worked years before … Continue reading I knew it wasn’t perfect
Come on WordPress
Here's a thing that really pisses me off... the WP algorithm that thinks it's "cool" to link a blog post to the bottom of my boundaries entry (when viewing from the Reader) from last year that has a pic of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein, written by a guy who has a fraction of the … Continue reading Come on WordPress
Boundaries
I have learned that in order to protect myself from pain, there are numerous relationships in my life for which I need to set boundaries. The first relationship was with my sister who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder with Bi-Polar Tendencies. Yeah, that's a mouthful. She is my younger sister by five and a half … Continue reading Boundaries
The letter
Two years ago I asked Blue Eyes to write a letter to the other woman as part of his ninth step. For reasons that have been discussed many times on my blog the letter was not and will never be sent to the other woman. I do believe this letter catapulted my healing in a … Continue reading The letter
Hiding behind ‘sex addiction’
I have seen this phrase, or some form of it, many times, written on blogs, in articles, and even in books. I have heard it spoken, by sex addiction deniers, by partners, and by therapists. I understand. Those two words, separate or together, seem to harbor feelings that take us to places like fear, trauma, … Continue reading Hiding behind ‘sex addiction’
I’m okay, but…
My blog entries from this summer bear out the fact that I have struggled. I've tried to work through the why. To be honest, I feel like Blue Eyes has been doing some gaslighting... I know he doesn't realize this is what he is doing, but I do. His seeing my unease and confusion, and … Continue reading I’m okay, but…
try not to cry on my rainbow 