try not to cry on my rainbow

Married to a sex addict. Rebuilding a relationship. The recovery journey.

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Loneliness

It’s okay to feel really bad some days

September 14, 2022September 14, 2022 / CrazyKat1963 / 21 Comments

I’m giving myself permission to feel really shitty today. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I want more happiness in my life. The tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes right now, threatening to spill over, and it’s okay. My chest is tight. I feel like I want to run away. I’m in … Continue reading It’s okay to feel really bad some days

Do you wonder why I run away

July 13, 2022 / CrazyKat1963 / 21 Comments

This is really a post to my husband. A post out of utter frustration to my 8 1/2 years sober sex addict husband. I would talk to him face to face, but he’s too busy working, at 11:30pm. At diagnosis Blue Eyes acknowledged who and what he was and started on his recovery journey… a … Continue reading Do you wonder why I run away

Precipice

October 9, 2019October 9, 2019 / CrazyKat1963 / 28 Comments

He's there, right now, sitting at the edge of his own sanity. He's unable to hide it, or even deny it. It's not coming from nowhere. It's muscle memory. It's those feelings of having been here before. Not in this exact place, but something, somewhere similar. A bustling city, a lonely hotel room, life crashing … Continue reading Precipice

Moving on

April 3, 2019April 4, 2019 / CrazyKat1963 / 36 Comments

Street Art at Wynwood Walls, Miami Disclaimer: I wrote this post as the third in the trilogy of 'I woke up to nothing' posts. I'm over those feelings now, but March included a couple of really difficult weeks. The sadness even spilled over into our business trip to Paris, but again, I'm doing better. I'm … Continue reading Moving on

Showers

August 12, 2015August 12, 2015 / CrazyKat1963 / 20 Comments

As I stood in the shower this morning, going about the usual routine of washing and conditioning my hair, cleansing my body, shaving my legs, activities that don't require much thought, I realized in my mind I was planning the day ahead. I was thinking about what was on the schedule. I had spoken to … Continue reading Showers

Why didn’t I think of me

July 7, 2015July 7, 2015 / CrazyKat1963 / 32 Comments

I have been writing a lot about Blue Eyes and his fourth step (that searching and fearless moral inventory, the one that Blue Eyes completed a few weeks ago and which is pages and pages and pages long) and fifth step (admitted to God, to themselves, and to another human being the exact nature of … Continue reading Why didn’t I think of me

Bonding road trip from hell, part four

December 25, 2014 / CrazyKat1963 / 2 Comments

Journal Entry: October 16, 2014 Going back home. I woke up yesterday feeling down. In hindsight, I think I was totally burnt out. All my energy was gone. Used up. I had spent days now with my husband with barely a break. It was getting to be too much. In a car, in a hotel … Continue reading Bonding road trip from hell, part four

Where my pain comes from today

December 5, 2014December 6, 2014 / CrazyKat1963 / 10 Comments

Journal Entry: September 1, 2014 Today's thoughts to my husband: I can feel the time slipping away, like watching sand in an hourglass. Each day we get a little closer to the one year mark. I know you can feel it too. This is not the time to swoop in at the eleventh hour, to … Continue reading Where my pain comes from today

Hospitals, our home away from home

November 26, 2014November 26, 2014 / CrazyKat1963 / Leave a comment

Journal Entry: July 13, 2014 I cannot even count the number of times my husband has been in the hospital since I have known him. The first night we "slept together" he left for the hospital the next day. We were 20 years old, and sleeping together, in his single dorm room, turned out to be a lot … Continue reading Hospitals, our home away from home

A wife’s worst nightmare

November 23, 2014 / CrazyKat1963 / 3 Comments

Journal Entry: Monday, June 30, 2014 I was sitting on the toilet in a gorgeous tile bathroom at the Four Seasons Biltmore Santa Barbara. Blue Eyes was standing at one of the sinks, shaving. As I looked at him from my vulnerable spot, I realized he had probably shared these same strangely intimate moments with … Continue reading A wife’s worst nightmare

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Recent Posts

  • Back to the Whole30, again
  • From the archives
  • Trying to shake the sad
  • 9 years ago
  • Cheers to 2023! 🥂

Recent Comments

CrazyKat1963 on Trying to shake the sad
beleeme on Trying to shake the sad
beleeme on Back to the Whole30, agai…
CrazyKat1963 on Trying to shake the sad
beleeme on Trying to shake the sad

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