I really thought this husband's words regarding the affect his cheating has had on his family, was worth a reblog.
cheating husband
On being an addict
Below is an old blog post Blue Eyes wrote while he was working on his fourth step. I thought I had read everything on his blog, but somehow I missed this. Honestly, I think this post speaks so very clearly to his struggle with being an addict. It was extremely difficult for me to read because as he said the same things over and over, the same concepts, the same fears, I could literally feel his emotions rising up in my own chest. I could feel the tenseness and anxiety. I could feel the fear. In my opinion he has made great strides since he wrote this post. I can see the progress. As two flawed people, we continue to work this path together.
Incoherent Thoughts on Fear
My therapist thought it would be a good idea for me to journal about Fear and specifically as it relates to Women, my mother, the last acting out partner, and my soulmate. Of course I have been in fear about writing this and naturally put it off until I could not take it anymore…
Women in General – because of the relationship with my mom I definitely was uncomfortable and feared woman. I did not know how to have a normal relationship with a woman. I was always latching on, moving to quickly, sexually tilted craving relationships, I would scare woman away. I think I did this because I did not feel worthy and was trying to put a bandage on this huge wound of abandonment. I can remember rejecting girls and later women that had interest in me because I just was afraid and scared…
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Lost identity
In the shower this morning I realized I am having an identity crisis. I have written so much here on my blog. I have spilled out who I am, what has happened to me both before and after I found out about my husband's secret life, how I feel about addiction, how I feel about … Continue reading Lost identity
The power of positive energy
I think it is a bit ironic that I am using this title, or even talking about the power of positive energy. I am a realistic person, with a touch of optimism thrown in. I am not all puppy dogs (although I do totally love puppy dogs), and unicorns and rainbows (background on blog title), … Continue reading The power of positive energy
Hashtag, The Struggle Is Real
I don't know what it is, but I love this crazy saying, hashtag thingy, whatever. The Struggle Is Real. Maybe it is because when people use the hashtag, it is usually in conjunction with something silly, like #FirstWorldProblems, #TheStruggleIsReal, I just ate three boxes of Girl Scout cookies for lunch, type of thing. The other … Continue reading Hashtag, The Struggle Is Real
The new normal
Well, it's been a while. We returned a couple days ago from an 11-day trip to New York, New Jersey, and Atlanta, mostly for business. If not for the fact that Blue Eyes caught a bad cold and was sick as a dog the entire trip, and I mean he came down with it ON the … Continue reading The new normal
Plan, revised.
I was actually working diligently on something else, but decided to come here to vent. I'm not traumatized, I'm not even upset. Just, well, I guess, exasperated? I want to blow off a little steam. Blue Eyes had therapy this morning. He called me post therapy to ask if he could bring me home some lunch. … Continue reading Plan, revised.
“The only winning move is not to play.”
When I think back to how things used to be, with Blue Eyes, it is difficult to remove the umbrella of pain and sadness and trauma that seems to hover over those memories. If I dig deep though, I know what we had was pretty great in the scheme of things. We had a long term loving relationship. … Continue reading “The only winning move is not to play.”
Post 300
Watercolor Rainbow by Olga Shvartsur Can you believe it? This is my 300th post here on Try Not to Cry on My Rainbow. Crazy. I'll try and make it a good one. While Blue Eyes and I were away on our spa hotel excursion, I received a call from Ms. Honey, one of the CSATs … Continue reading Post 300
On loving kindness
I took a little break from technology, blogging, etc... while Blue Eyes and I set off on a trip to a local spa hotel in the wine country. It wasn't technically a Valentine's celebration (we all know how I feel about Valentine's Day), although it did coincidentally happen over Valentine's Day. It was a gift to me … Continue reading On loving kindness
try not to cry on my rainbow 