Embracing Mindfulness. If we actually sit and think, really sit with our thoughts, and actions, do we condone our own behavior. No Excuses. I have the above italicized words written on a note, but I didn't write down who said them? Maybe Pema Chodron? I do remember me typing in the words around it though. … Continue reading Revelations
sex addict recovery
The fight for control
Obviously Blue Eyes and I still have our moments. There are details that I don't know. I would be living in fantasyland if I thought I would ever know everything. At this point, I don't want to know any more. I do not specifically seek out details from the secret life of my sex addict husband. Sometimes, … Continue reading The fight for control
The long and winding road
The road out is not straight and smooth. I felt bad for Blue Eyes last week. He attended a meeting with one of his favorite 12 step guys and during sharing he found out the guy had lost his sobriety a couple weeks prior. He was four years in and now he's starting over at … Continue reading The long and winding road
Snowed in
It's January 11, 2017 here in the U.S. and we are covered in snow, and it's snowing again. We rarely get a lot of snow in Portland. We're in a funny weather pocket. Our winters are usually fairly temperate, above freezing at least. We generally get one cold weather front per season. It might bring … Continue reading Snowed in
We all need a path out
The reason I know I cannot change my husband, I cannot make him better, I cannot heal him in any way, is because I have been here all along. If it was my job to heal him, I would have done it already. If my presence was enough to make him the man he wants … Continue reading We all need a path out
Anonymous
Anonymity is generally coveted on betrayed spouse blogs. Some of us are protecting the reputations of our husbands, because we want to. Because we believe in them and their ability to overcome whatever it was that drove them to their wretched cheating behavior in the first place. And if it is not their reputation we … Continue reading Anonymous
Living in denial
Blue Eyes is now three years sober. He will receive his three year sobriety chip at his next Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. His official self proclaimed sobriety date is December 11, 2013. His last date of acting out with the other woman was July 30, 2013. His sobriety date corresponds with the day he decided for himself … Continue reading Living in denial
We know it’s not our fault
The very last thing I did before the appraisal person arrived at our house last week, was make one last run through of The Peacemaker's bedroom and make his bed the way it was intended to be made. He was grumbling upstairs about where was he supposed to go while the appraiser was here. The appraisal … Continue reading We know it’s not our fault
Complacency
It's been a while since I have been here blogging. I read, and sometimes comment, but writing on my blog is a whole different beast. Some days I feel like I could write ten entries, and then suddenly it feels like weeks go by without the desire, or the time... I am often thinking about blogging because my … Continue reading Complacency
Who knows the truth
After Blue Eyes' disclosures of his secret life and subsequent diagnosis as a sex addict, I kinda wanted everyone to know the truth. I'm not exactly sure why. Eventually I know I wanted people to understand sex addiction. I want it brought out of the darkness and into the light so people will know they … Continue reading Who knows the truth
try not to cry on my rainbow 