Journal Entry: July 5, 2014 During my phone conversation with The Director a couple weeks ago, before my husband’s 9-day, he asked me some questions about Blue Eyes’ habits. He asked me to categorize my husband’s acting out behaviors as I now see them. These would all be behaviors I knew nothing about until six … Continue reading Bursting Bubbles
grief
A wife’s worst nightmare
Journal Entry: Monday, June 30, 2014 I was sitting on the toilet in a gorgeous tile bathroom at the Four Seasons Biltmore Santa Barbara. Blue Eyes was standing at one of the sinks, shaving. As I looked at him from my vulnerable spot, I realized he had probably shared these same strangely intimate moments with … Continue reading A wife’s worst nightmare
We told my parents today
Journal Entry: June 13, 2014 We were back in Los Angeles earlier this week for therapy. I received a phone call from my mother regarding my step father's birthday/father's day this coming weekend. I have been making so many excuses for why we have been out of town so much, and why we have been … Continue reading We told my parents today
Oh, I forgot one more thing I have learned
Journal Entry: June 11, 2014 (Continued) One more thing I have learned in the past five months: 18) Sometimes, when you are under extreme stress, your hair falls out and your nails become weak and brittle. A couple months ago, while we were on our Panama Canal cruise, my hair started falling out, large clumps … Continue reading Oh, I forgot one more thing I have learned
Things I have learned after five months of trauma and a boatload of therapy
“No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won’t make you cry.” -Anonymous Journal Entry: June 11, 2014 D-Day was exactly five months ago today. I have been in one form of therapy or another for nearly the entire five months since then. I have been in intensive trauma … Continue reading Things I have learned after five months of trauma and a boatload of therapy
Consequences
Journal Entry: June 10, 2014 “Lately I've been thinking about who I want to love, and how I want to love, and why I want to love the way I want to love, and what I need to learn to love that way, and how I need to become to become the kind of love … Continue reading Consequences
She haunts these places
Journal Entry: June 6, 2014 We have an agreement, my husband and I. If he needs to go on a business trip, especially if it is overnight, I will go with him, at least for the foreseeable future. He is still early in his recovery, and is completely susceptible to his acting out patterns and … Continue reading She haunts these places
Put it all in a box and hide it away
Journal Entry: May 22, 2014 I’m having a shitty evening. On our way to dinner, my mobile phone was ringing in my purse. I dug it out and there she was, the whore, calling me again. Honestly, I know this woman was needy and empty and my husband pursued sex with her and if it … Continue reading Put it all in a box and hide it away
Day Two: Can we fix this mess?
Journal Entry: May 16, 2014 I sent this message to my friend during my lunch break: Hi D. I am killing time since I have a 1 hour and 40 min break with no place really to go except the bed bath and beyond across the street, or the sundry shop in the lobby (that … Continue reading Day Two: Can we fix this mess?
Day One: How did I get here?
Journal Entry: May 15, 2014 Message to D: I am looking forward to my session today. I have high hopes. Yesterday was a great day even with airports and airplanes. I did fine. My birthday dinner was fabulous, one of my favorite restaurants. We had a rough morning, unfortunately, but B is at a "meeting" … Continue reading Day One: How did I get here?
try not to cry on my rainbow 