For Blue Eyes, part of his addiction is clearly about control. As a child, he was under the strict and harsh command of his narcissistic and abusive mother. She belittled him and chided him and rode his ass day and night. He could never do anything right. Failure was right around the corner for him … Continue reading Control
mistress
Advice not wanted
Other than hurtful words that have carelessly been uttered from my husband's own mouth, and I knew he didn't want to hurt me further, but he did, because healing is a long and arduous process for a recovering addict and every single day for him is plagued with shame and self doubt... I would have to … Continue reading Advice not wanted
“It will never happen again”
These are the words that send me to that place. That place where my insides feel like a big festering ulcer, where my head starts to ache and I feel an uneasy clamminess, like I need to purge. "It will never happen again." I was having a great day yesterday. I planned a romantic little … Continue reading “It will never happen again”
Looking back, part two
While glancing back through 2015 posts, something else popped out at me and that was the fact that early on I still obsessed about the sex my husband had with the other woman. And even after I fully metabolized how unimportant those sex acts were in the scheme of things, I still focused on being able … Continue reading Looking back, part two
How I know I wouldn’t do “that”
I was going to reblog this (which I have never done before, reblogged anything), but in true Kat style, I decided to link it so I had plenty of space to write out my own comments. I enjoyed reading this post by marriagerecoveryblog. The other woman's hatred for the wife I love how she tells her … Continue reading How I know I wouldn’t do “that”
I am the wife
I am heading off to a painting workshop in Southern California. I am a little anxious as I will be painting outside (plein air) and I will be working with acrylics. I have never painted in acrylics before, only oils and watercolors. I am reaching outside my comfort zone and I am also very excited. … Continue reading I am the wife
Needing to vent
Warning: this is just a venting post about how pissed off I am about my husband’s cheating and spending time internationally with “the other woman.” Anyone not interested in a spiteful rant, please pass this post by. If you are a betrayed spouse (or anyone else who enjoys spiteful rants) and somehow it gives you … Continue reading Needing to vent
It started on Valentine’s Day
Even though I feel stronger than I did a year ago, stronger as a person and stronger in my marriage, I am not sure I will ever be able to go through an entire day without some reference to the hell my husband has put me through. On Valentine’s Day afternoon, our dogs would not … Continue reading It started on Valentine’s Day
We are all in pain
If I ever thought I would run out of things to write for my blog, I was mistaken. Even if there is nothing interesting enough to write about going on in my life, other bloggers daily give me ideas of topics to write about. Every day I am either prompted by another’s blog topic, or … Continue reading We are all in pain
It’s not love. It’s safety I seek
Journal Entry: January 18, 2015 My husband loves me. I know he does. I know he always has. That is not what scares me. On our last day in Tokyo, we had afternoon tea with GQ, his wife, and the little ray of sunshine. Then we walked them to Tokyo Station and said good-bye. We … Continue reading It’s not love. It’s safety I seek
try not to cry on my rainbow 